From Indiana Jones to Suzy Homemaker

I have been on a Crusade for two years now and I have gotten no where. I am exhausted. I feel as thought I have been fighting a losing battle and I think that it is time to take a rest. I am hanging up my hat and bullwhip and trading them for a more simple, yet fulfilling life.



While I will never give up on our 2nd child, I have turned to whole thing over to GOD. If HE wants us to welcome other children into our lives, I will move Heaven and Earth to do so. But only after HE directs us to them. I can not search the whole world over at the expense of my life here with Jon and Natalie.

If we are to only have one child, I accept that. I embrace that. Natalie is a joy. She is our little miracle! And I love her as I never thought I was capable.

Stay tuned, you never know what GOD has in store for us.

Back to Square One

Looks like we are back to square one. I received an e-mail early this morning from the orphanage that we applied to. Unfortunately, they have a long waiting list and thought that it might be faster if we looked for a different orphanage or agency to use for our adoption. Just what I wanted to see at 4am! NOT!!!

I am beginning to wonder if I am wanting this so very bad but that it is just not meant to be. Maybe GOD is trying to tell me something that I am too stubborn to accept. I don't know how something that feels so right can possible be wrong. (Oh wait, isn't that a song?)

I don't know what to do. I contacted one of the orphanages that the first one recommended, this is a Catholic orphanage. But to be honest, I don't have a lot of faith any more. I can't bear to give up, but it hurts so bad to go on and keep getting told "No".

Come on, God! I really need a sign.

"When Jesus says so!"

It's been over a week since I mailed our application to Taiwan. I have not heard anything yet, though they may have just gotten it. But I am getting nervous that maybe they will see that there are too many things against us (not childless, me too old, not Chinese,........)See I'm getting paranoid! I take that back....I AM a basketcase!!!!

Natalie just asked Jon where her brother was, that she wants her brother. Jon told her "When Jesus says so".

I pray that Jesus is just waiting for the perfect time. I don't think that I could bear to be wrong again. If we are turned down, I think that I will have to take that as a sign that we are not meant to have another child, even though we want one so badly.

The candles in the above photo were taken at a Buddhist Temple in Chongqing China when we were adopting Natalie. The two candles were placed there by Jon and I in thanksgiving for receiving Natalie into our family. I felt a very strong presence that day and was overjoyed when our daughter was blessed by the monks there. When I was looking for a symbol of prayer for this post, I was drawn to this photo. Since that was a very religious moment for me, I guess I was led to remember that experience now. Somehow, I find this picture very comforting.

Endurance

I found this and thought that it was the most appropriate picture for our 2nd adoption. This journey has, by far, been an exercise in faith, determination and endurance. I know that once I see our new child's face, all that heartache will disappear like the morning mist.

We have made progress, on Tuesday, February 10th, I mailed our 'official' application to Taiwan. Since it is going via mail, I do not know how long it will take to get there. But I hope and pray that it makes it there - safe and sound.

And so we begin..............Again!

We have prayed and prayed on this adoption and the answer keeps coming back the same. He IS out there. So I contacted an orphanage in Taiwan. They were a little hesitant to work with us, because of my age, but said that we could submit an application. I know that this is not great news, but I have faith. Something tells me that this is an obstacle that we will overcome. Since we are looking for a baby boy, and open to minor, correctable special needs, maybe we will have a little better chance of getting a referral. I will follow along this path for a while and see what happens.